Yesterday while attending Red Pepper’s soccer game I ran into someone I used to work with. In the course of our conversation we discovered that we both celebrated our 40th birthdays within a week of each other. His question to me caught me a little off guard: “Was it as devastating for you as it was for me?” I remarked something to the effect that I notice that I don’t bounce back physically as quickly as I used to, but otherwise couldn’t relate and so I said nothing more on that subject.
I wonder what it was specifically that so devastated him. Did he feel that his best days were behind him? Did he look forward and see steadily decreasing vitality? Did he once excel in sports and could feel the difference that 20 years has made?
First of all, let’s keep this real: 40 just isn’t that old, no matter what my kids think. Sure, the lines on my face are getting deeper and I have a few more gray hairs than I used to. And an eight-minute mile feels a lot faster than when I ran track in high school. There are other signs that remind me on a regular basis that I’m no longer a young man. And I’m not exactly thrilled about these things. Nor am I terribly excited about the colonoscopy that I still haven’t scheduled but need to.
But age brings benefits, too. While I have to admit I find myself re-learning too many lessons in life, some I have learned quite well. A little wisdom is definitely a good thing. It has brought me my wife, who has been my best friend for more than half of my life. It has allowed me to truly appreciate my parents and love my children. Mostly it has brought me experiences, which is more than saying memories. Memories are something I am reminded of when sitting on the couch and looking in a photo album. Experiences, on the other hand, are those things in the past that guide my present and future. And that’s where I choose to live—in the present and future.
Aging is neither good nor bad. It just is. So why waste my time railing against or lamenting something that I can’t control? No, I choose to embrace (sometimes hesitantly, admittedly) these birthdays that keep coming, and the changes that they represent. I am no longer the person I was 20 years ago. He doesn’t exist. I’m not even the person I was yesterday. I’m here today. Today touches the past and the future, but it’s the only thing that really matters, because it’s the only thing I can control in any degree.
And for that reason, to me despising a birthday is a rejection of today. It is trying to hold on to a past that no longer exists, and fearing a future that isn’t real. No, a birthday should be a celebration of those trips we’ve made around the sun and what they have brought us.
I wonder what it was specifically that so devastated him. Did he feel that his best days were behind him? Did he look forward and see steadily decreasing vitality? Did he once excel in sports and could feel the difference that 20 years has made?
First of all, let’s keep this real: 40 just isn’t that old, no matter what my kids think. Sure, the lines on my face are getting deeper and I have a few more gray hairs than I used to. And an eight-minute mile feels a lot faster than when I ran track in high school. There are other signs that remind me on a regular basis that I’m no longer a young man. And I’m not exactly thrilled about these things. Nor am I terribly excited about the colonoscopy that I still haven’t scheduled but need to.
But age brings benefits, too. While I have to admit I find myself re-learning too many lessons in life, some I have learned quite well. A little wisdom is definitely a good thing. It has brought me my wife, who has been my best friend for more than half of my life. It has allowed me to truly appreciate my parents and love my children. Mostly it has brought me experiences, which is more than saying memories. Memories are something I am reminded of when sitting on the couch and looking in a photo album. Experiences, on the other hand, are those things in the past that guide my present and future. And that’s where I choose to live—in the present and future.
Aging is neither good nor bad. It just is. So why waste my time railing against or lamenting something that I can’t control? No, I choose to embrace (sometimes hesitantly, admittedly) these birthdays that keep coming, and the changes that they represent. I am no longer the person I was 20 years ago. He doesn’t exist. I’m not even the person I was yesterday. I’m here today. Today touches the past and the future, but it’s the only thing that really matters, because it’s the only thing I can control in any degree.
And for that reason, to me despising a birthday is a rejection of today. It is trying to hold on to a past that no longer exists, and fearing a future that isn’t real. No, a birthday should be a celebration of those trips we’ve made around the sun and what they have brought us.
8 comments:
Beautifully written, and a wonderful way to embrace the here and now.
Thanks.
I agree. Well put! Here's to many more trips around the sun- together!!!
That was awesome. I proudly embrace my 37 years (although I have a hard time believing I have been around for that long!).
Wonderful words.
You are so right ----- "forty just isn't that old!!!!!" Forty was just a dot on my journey -- which has since taken me beyond that wonderful age -- but I remember it well! When you get to be "my age" I hope I will be here to help you celebrate - I'm planning on it!
Thank you all for the kind words.
Mom--I hope you're here when I turn 39 too. ;)
That's right, 40 isn't old (I'll be there in November). Most likely it isn't even the halfway point. The thought of living another forty kinda makes me wish I was a few decades older somehow. I love your explanation of the difference between memories and experience.
Great post!
Hi espero que recuerdes espanol yo soy de ecuador y no se como pero encontre tu pag en fin me alegra que aun recuerdes tus tiempos de misonero cuando abri tu blog para ve rla receta de arroz con menestra y carne asada y dijistes que estuvistes 2 años en Ecuador como misionero me imagine que eras LDS yo soy de Jipijapa y conozco mucha gente de Portviejo quizas no toda la que tu conocistes hace 20 años porque yo tengo 18 como SUD pero queria comentarte que hay una pag de la mison de guayaquil norte que puedes revisar si deseas is lds web if you wanna look. if you want some recetas ecuatorianas l;et me know may be I can help you today I making some arroz con menestra y carne asada para los misioneros so let me know
bellaflorsolano@yahoo.com
Hi espero que recuerdes espanol yo soy de ecuador y no se como pero encontre tu pag en fin me alegra que aun recuerdes tus tiempos de misonero cuando abri tu blog para ve rla receta de arroz con menestra y carne asada y dijistes que estuvistes 2 años en Ecuador como misionero me imagine que eras LDS yo soy de Jipijapa y conozco mucha gente de Portviejo quizas no toda la que tu conocistes hace 20 años porque yo tengo 18 como SUD pero queria comentarte que hay una pag de la mison de guayaquil norte que puedes revisar si deseas is lds web if you wanna look. if you want some recetas ecuatorianas l;et me know may be I can help you today I making some arroz con menestra y carne asada para los misioneros so let me know.
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